September 10, 2011
“Bullying” : English dictionary tells us the meaning of word as, ‘intimidate or frighten someone’
“Cyberbullying” : Meaning, to intimidate or frighten someone through a computer, computer network or virtual reality.
"Cyberbullying" is when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another child, preteen or teen using the Internet, interactive and digital technologies or mobile phones.
In real-life-bullying cases, the bullies have a ‘face’ and the victim could identify them without much difficulties.
On a grass root level, cyber bullying is more heinous or monstrous than normal bullying just because of the fact that the bully remains mostly anonymous – but could be anyone, perhaps so surprisingly sometimes – someone very close to you and known to each other for years! Victims of cyber bullying, especially children who are more vulnerable to these attacks, could have an irreparable impact on their psyche and as a consequence, they grow up to be timid, weak, and manifest mistrust to everyone they come across with. In some worst case scenarios, as a retaliating act, they might end up as prospect bullies too!
Of late, many cases of cyber bullying are being reported, immaterial of name, age, region, or religion. Even though the names of victims differ, the pain and mental trauma every victim goes through seems to be alike.
As the cyber bully victim can have any name, the reader here can also customize the name of the protagonist.
With that freedom granted by the author, I prefer the name Anamika (an Indian name, meaning ‘without a name’), a teenage girl.
* * * * *
Anamika, was relatively new to the internet. She, being a budding dancer enjoyed meeting people and for that reason, got into some social networking sites as suggested by some of her net- savvy friends. She shared her profile and her pictures to public, with a genuine intention to promote her skills, talent and dance performances.
“Anamika, don’t you have anything else to do? Always you are on computer! Don’t you know that you have to appear for Board examinations this year? Stop that and go to study”. That was Anamika’s mother who was much anxious on her daughter’s over-involvement in computers. She carried a fear whether Anamika would lose her focus in academics.
“Mom, I’m chatting with my classmate regarding a Dance Competition in school. This time, I am sure our Group would bag the trophy”, Anamika responded to her mother, chatting to her friend in parallel.
“OK. Stop that and go to study”, her mother got angry and left the room murmuring something.
Making faces, Anamika hesitantly typed “bye, c u later” at the chat window. When she was about to log off from the chat, a new chat window popped up from nowhere.
“Hi dear, how are you?”
Anamika was taken aback by this surprise chat. In a minute, she did not know whether to continue the chat or discourage the stranger then and there. But, before she could do anything, there came a follow on chat message, catching her off guard.
“Did you recognize me, apple-pie?”
‘Apple-pie?’ – that rang a bell in Anamika, for that was her nickname known only to some of her close friends. Getting apprehensive, Anamika searched the profile of the stranger. Unfortunately, she could not identify the person who was chatting with her, for the profile showed some cartoon as profile picture and some meaningless nickname as profile name.
“Who are you, cartoon?”, Anamika typed out on failing miserably in identifying the chat partner.
“I am not a cartoon, but I will give you a clue – you know me very well and we see everyday too! BTW, your profile picture is beautiful. You are looking awesome”
For Anamika, that message from the stranger was like a glue and involuntarily prompted her to chat further. Though not much sure, she had assumed that she was chatting with a boy in her class.
“Anamika, you didn’t go to study yet? Are you still on computer? How many times should I tell you?”, it was her mother, from the kitchen this time, with a raised decibel.
“Err.. Mom… one minute”, Anamika frantically tried to hide the screen and later continued to chat relentlessly after ensuring that Mom is not coming to her room.
“Hey, cartoon, can you tell me who you are?”, Anamika asked in a begging mode.
“Trust me, I am sure that you know me very well….. OK, tomorrow I will wear a brown scarf around the neck during the recess time. You have to come near the school canteen to see me! Deal?”
Quite thrilled, Anamika searched for her chat-friend the next day in school. She could not find anyone with a brown scarf. In the coming days too, she searched for her chat-mate as per the latter’s whims and fancies. On asking why she couldn’t see her chat friend, she was told some vague excuses and false promises.
Anamika was asked by her chat friend to be online everyday at a particular time. Eventhough Anamika could not identify or meet her chat-mate in person, she continued chatting (in the pretext of studying), without her parents’ notice. Eventually, she became so addicted to chatting that she lost her focus completely in her studies.
* * * *
The saga continued. Anamika was excited to have a ‘soul-mate’ with whom she could share her secrets to. Little did she know that it would become an issue later.
A few days before her Board Examinations, her chat friend started threatening her by saying that every little thing she had shared would be revealed. The chat friend cooked up stories with added embellishments to threaten her with. To aggravate the torture, some of Anamika’s pictures that were available online were also morphed in a negative way to use as blackmailing tools.
Vexed, Anamika was left in the lurch with no choice, as she could not even tell her parents about the whole ordeal. She was sure that, if parents come to know about her situation, she would get into trouble for talking to a stranger and more, for being online when she shouldn’t have. At the same time, she was sure that a permanent solution to her agony is hardly possible without her parents’ intervention.
She began worrying about it all the time. To make matters worse, she started to wonder if every person she met was the cyber bully. Her performance in academics plummeted unbelievably, resulting in her failure in Board exams. She experienced difficulty in facing people and hence became withdrawn, moody and dull. Nobody could help her. Anamika had to stop her studies as she lost her interest in life completely. A mentally disturbed Anamika, discontinued her education and career abruptly.
* * * *
This is not a true story. We have read and seen many such similar tales – in fact they could even happen to children we know right now. Adults, when victimized to cyber bullying do not usually notice until things are gone too far. On the other hand, the child is either too worried to say it aloud or too worried not to disclose it. It ends up affecting their studies, their playtime, their relationship with every other individual and literally takes over their life.
Bullying or cyber bullying is not confined to any particular time slot and hence is on the rise nowadays. It is nothing but sheer power to control another human being. It includes blackmail and instilling fear – ruining someone’s life knowingly. Cyber bullying is usually not a one time communication, unless it involves a death threat or a credible threat of serious bodily harm.
Its time for everyone to be aware of :-
Where to go
Who to talk to
The role of the ISP
The role of the Police
TOGETHER, LET US TRY TO BUILD A SECURE FUTURE FOR OUR CHILDREN…..
8 comments:
Made interesting reading. Renjith...Interacting thru Cyberspace is like using a double edged sword!- E-mails nearly wiped out the good old post offices yet blessed us with speedy communication and then lots of electronic outrages too lengthy to mention!!Parents should be the first port of call when kids face such situations..
Before the children are, the parents have to be educated and taught certain things. Many of them have no clue about what the net is while the children are savvy. All that the ignorant parents know is 'internet is not safe' but not ways to educate children to be alert. Oft-repeated 'get off the comp' from parents is NOT going to get any result. You have to tell children why, teach them how to be cautious and discriminating. For doing that the parents must educate themselves on what the net entails. I have seen too many of our local parents do their routine 'singing' which has absolutely no effect on their children.
Once I saw on Orkut, a child giving out details on her siblings and parents (where they work, what they do etc) to some random stranger who was posing as someone from the film industry. The girl seemed thrilled to be noticed by him, she being a dancer and all. Her pictures were displayed.
Wondering how I know? The man had sent me an invite too, so I checked out his profile and saw this conversation going on.
That would be an Eye-opener to many...I always feel, that kids need to be educated well about the hazards of such fantasies of Chatting and internet and parents should be friendly enough with them, so that they wud openly tell them in case of any such strangers popping up with friendship...
Your thoughts on cyber bulling and the contents you expressed in your Blog post are very constructive and useful information to be passed on our children.
Keep it up Renjith.
Good post Renjith. We all need to lookout for cyber bullies who could target our kids. Definitely an eye opener.
Excellent post... Enjoyed reading it
I was late to read it. A very good come back. A timely one. I was just wondering a few days back, on how to discuss such an issue, which one of my colleagues brought to my notice. Really a very good one Renjithji, worth recommendation. Hope you would be more often to blogs.
Thought-provoking and I must admit that I could identify with this in a way. Have been a victim of cyber bullying when I was in college and even to the extent that my 3 email ids were hacked simultaneously. It took a series of emails to google, yahoo and hotmail and the agony of proving my id in order to reclaim my emails was both a challenge and a torture. Thankfully, it was sheer luck and some determination that no further damage was done by the bully. Still...in cyber bullying I'm still not sure how these bullies can be truly punished? Maybe I'm ignorant about current law but back then in 2000 I wasn't sure if my parents or teachers could have brought the culprit to task. Eventually I chose the path of distrusting strangers on the net and probably have lost many friends in the process. Once bitten, twice shy!
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